your natural state is peaceful…

Image courtesy of Judi Clemie. Perth CBD from across Lake Monger

Image courtesy of Judi Clemie. Perth CBD from across Lake Monger

I sometimes find this hard to believe, but I know intellectually that my natural state as a human is a peaceful one. External factors can sway me from my centre, but essentially my original and natural state is calm. Everything I do to bring calm to my mind is aimed at rebalancing this internal state.

With kids, I have to say, it’s often hard to maintain that balance.

On Friday morning, I woke early and did my usual meditation practice in peace. As I rose from my bed, I was immediately hit by the sounds of angry screaming from somewhere in the house. I moved quickly to the kitchen to find my 5 and 6 year old trying to scalp each other, in what appeared to be a Lego based altercation. They stopped momentarily when they saw me, and then started again with a vengeance. I surveyed the scene, eyed them both with what can only be described as marginal compassion, and then I contemplated the idea of simply exiting the room, quietly getting dressed and leaving the house. Mothers do that, I know. I’ve heard of mothers who’ve left and never come back…anyway, I didn’t leave the house, more fool me. Instead, I got heavily involved, and completely disheartened. I felt sad as I watched their behaviour rollercoaster even more out of control. I managed to stay calm for quite a while. I breathed slow breaths of pause that I’ve been trying to do whenever I’m pushed, and then I faltered, allowing anger to take hold of me. And I yelled…and yelled, and then I felt terrible.

I know I’m not alone, and I’m not about to waste any more energy on feeling bad, for behaving badly. But afterwards I was conscious of how long it took me to get over it. The amazing thing about kids is that they don’t seem to feel bad, for behaving badly. Mine don’t anyway! They readily let it go. They recover almost instantly from arguments with each other which appear to me to be relationship ending. They can cope with the swings. Unfortunately, I don’t always cope quite as well, and need to rely on the power of the love I feel for them, the calm of my early morning meditation, the peace and release of a great yoga session, or the liberation of a mid-morning run.

The dichotomy of family life is that on one hand it’s deeply grounding, and on the other, emotionally challenging to the extreme.

I think that for every ‘thing’ that knocks you off kilter or tips you askew, you have to know how to internally re-calibrate and find your place of centre. Your natural state of peace. It’s where we are meant to be.

Linked with Essentially Jess for IBOT


21 thoughts on “your natural state is peaceful…

  1. Life sure does throw some doozies at us that make it quite a challenge to achieve a calm and peaceful state. Sounds to me that you are doing all the right things to bounce back after stressful situations. Kids will test the patience of a saint!! We’ve all been there LOL Meditation, yoga, exercise – all great things to help get that peaceful state of mind back. 🙂 xo

  2. Amazing how siblings can fight but the love they have for each can keep them forgiving. Even as adults I have had the biggest disagreements with family, but I find it easier to move on and forgive than with other people in my life.

  3. yes I was only thinking yesterday how easily all is forgiven by children. Which in some ways is incredibly good, but only if they have realised their wrong.

    Leaving lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses from #teamIBOT

  4. Ah I feel for you. It’s hard to remain calm with children brawling, kids crying and screaming. I’ve lost my temper a few times and joined in with the shouting. I always feel dreadful after. This afternoon was particularly difficult with my two year old. She was a little sick, very hot and overtired. There was a lot of hitting and crying. I remained calm though and breathed through it. That’s all that we can do. Good for you for being able to find your own sense of calm and peace.

  5. I love this Michelle composed beautifully. This is what I am working on remembering to find my centre and not get carried away with that inner voice that likes to wreck my head. Children have not learnt to hold grudges yet and that is a beautiful trait.

  6. I am amazed by my two girls how much they can fight and then how passionately they love each other, defend each other and miss each other when apart.
    Finding calm has been my journey for 2014 and my word and it is true what they say about a calm mum creates calmer kids, it definitely helps (that and reducing sugar of course 😉

  7. I’ve been struggling a lot with this lately. I feel like yelling is the only way that I am getting through and I hate it. We are in a constant state of tension and you can almost cut the air with a knife. I tend to walk away when things are getting too much…but the feeling lingers for so much longer afterwards. I’m working on, but it’s baby steps at the moment.

  8. It’s very easy to lose your cool, particularly if it’s been a hard day or they have been going on and on and on. I do find it’s easier for them to get over it than us sometimes. At least we get lots of practice though right? 🙂

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