After a two year hiatus in my paid working life, I started back at the hospital last Friday. It’s my second return to work after a long break, and a lot of thought went into the decision to return. The past 18 months for me has been a time of slowing down, of healing, of purposefully looking after myself and creating a space within our home which prioritised not becoming overwhelmed with crazy schedules and life. A space which focused on drawing together our little family in a positive, happy and peaceful way. It’s definitely not always peaceful, but that has always been my goal. There were lots of reasons which led me back to work. The first being the uncertainty within the mining sector at the moment. As a single income family relying entirely on the mining industry, things have felt unsettled for some time. We needed a plan B. The second reason was that as a nurse, if you don’t practice for a while, you lose your registration. ‘A while’ is actually 5 years, but as time has slipped by, I realised that 5 years could pass in a blink, and there we are. The third, and most surprising reason for me, was that I was beginning to miss it. This was the interesting thing on Friday, because although I felt like a fish out of water for most of the day, it was beyond lovely to be completely appreciated for what I did. Nothing against partners and children, but when you can solve a problem like getting on top of the worst pain someone has ever had, and they grab your hand, stare into your eyes and thank you for being there, it kind of feels pretty special. I don’t really believe in conventional medicine in my personal life. It has a place, but it’s rarely my first port of call when someone in my circle is sick. It doesn’t really align with my view of how to look after your health…at all. It’s a system of disease management, of symptom relief, not really health care. It’s always been that way for me, but it’s only something I’ve consciously acknowledged quite recently. I thought I would have a real problem internally rationalising my work and my beliefs now. But nursing is about people, and about caring, and I don’t actively associate my personal beliefs with my work when I’m nursing…and it’s OK. As I walked back to the train station after my first shift, I was buzzing with excitement. Partly because I’d done it, I’d finished a shift, but also because deep inside of me I acknowledged this lifelong connection to myself as a nurse. My legs were aching, my house was a mess, and I only just made it back to school in time to pick up the boys, but I felt good. I am a nurse. It’s been a part of who I am for a really long time, and surprisingly to me, it still is. Linked with Essentially Jess for IBOT
The arrival of 2015 has got me really thinking. And my thoughts aren’t of resolutions I need to make, or habits I want to change. That’s what I do all year long really. I’ve been thinking more about how I want to live and feel this year.
I have an inkling that the next few months are going to present some fairly major challenges and changes for our family, and I want to simply enjoy the ride, and not get overwhelmed when life isn’t ticking along at the slow pace that I love.
The first change for the year is a fun one, and it’s happening at the end of January. It’s a wedding…my wedding. We’ve done it all back to front I know, but for some reason, right now, after a decade and two kids, it feels just right to wed. And it is marriage that has triggered my thought…my word…which encapsulates the way I want to live this year, and the next, and probably the year after that as well.
My word is Embrace.
I want to embrace life however it comes, with a happy heart and joie de vivre. If the magnitude of the change seems overwhelming, I want to feel comfortable chipping away at the base of the mountain, knowing I’ll get there eventually. I want to apply all of the principles of slow living that I’ve learnt so far, to a life which is moving at a hundred miles an hour around me. I want to embrace the joy of my family and friends, and every opportunity that swings my way…just embrace it. I want to embrace every challenge and everybody I love. Embrace everything! This will be my mantra for the year ahead.
Linked with Maxabella Loves for One Word
Leo Babauta of Zen Habits is an inspiration to many, with his practical approach to life and change. He has completely transformed his entire existence from overweight, smoking, junk food eating guy, to marathon running, vegan, minimalist, and lots more too. I am really excited about his new book Zen Habits: Mastering the Art of change, which he is launching a kickstarter for on November 17th. This means it’s a globally crowd funded project, which is also a really exciting concept.
So Leo, thank you for your time, and welcome from me and my community based here in Perth, one of the most isolated cities in the world. I am hoping to spread your Zen Habits message a little bit further here.
Firstly, would you be able to talk a bit about your latest book Zen Habits – Mastering the Art of Change, which is being released very soon.
Leo: I wrote this book for anyone who struggles — with habit change, with dealing with major life changes, with frustration or anger or any other difficulties. It’s written for the me of 9 years ago, but also for my kids, for every reader who has written to me with a difficult life situation.
The book starts off as a practical guide to making one small habit change, but turns into a guide to dealing with any problem, any kind of struggle or fear. It’s about the nature of life, at its core, and how to cope. And I steal liberally from Zen Buddhism, just between us.
Me: You’ve become recognised as an expert in changing habits and simple living through your writing. Does it feel odd to think about where your personal journey has taken your life?
Leo: It’s odd to be considered an expert when I think back to where I started, struggling and not knowing what I was doing at all. But I learned an incredible amount through change, and through helping others change. Looking back at what I’ve gone through, and how far I’ve come really amazes me. It did when I started Zen Habits, a little over a year into my journey, and it amazes me even more now. I’m a completely different person now.
Me: Was there one specific catalyst that triggered the beginning of your change journey?
Leo: Yes, definitely. I was motivated to quit smoking because I knew that it was bad for my kids, seeing their dad smoke, and I knew they’d probably become smokers someday if I didn’t quit. I was motivated to change my eating and fitness habits, because I felt I was destined for a heart attack, and I wanted to see my kids grow up. I was motivated to get out of debt, because sometimes I couldn’t make ends meet or put food on the table for my family. I was motivated to simplify because I felt I didn’t have time for the important things: my wife and kids. So the specific catalyst was wanting to do something good for my family.
Me: Do you think it’s necessary for people to have a major life epiphany to initiate meaningful change in their lives?
Leo: I don’t know about necessary, but I know it’s much more likely to happen if you feel some pain, and find some inspiration. The pain of not liking where you are, and the inspiration of seeing a better possibility, seems to be the pattern that works best. I now know that you can make changes for other reasons: to explore and be curious and learn, and to help other people from your change. But when you’re stuck, pain is often needed to get you unstuck.
Me: I am a pretty disciplined person. If I want to establish a new habit, I just do. Generally it feels quite easy. What do you think makes change easier for some, and more difficult for others?
Leo: You have a lot of trust in yourself — you trust yourself to stick to a commitment, and trust that you’re capable of it. Many people, my old self included, don’t have that trust. They’ve failed so many times after so many attempts, they don’t really believe they can do it. This is a false belief, because they can do it, but often we need to prove this to ourselves. Think about a relationship with someone else: if they burn you a bunch of times, you’re not going to just trust them anymore … you need them to earn the trust back by showing up repeatedly and not hurting you. This is the relationship we have with ourselves — if we have lost our own trust, we need to earn it back by showing up repeatedly. This is best done by taking on very small commitments: just go out and walk for 2 minutes after work. Then do it the next day. Don’t commit for a month — just do it today. And one step at a time, you earn the trust back.
Me: People make all sorts of justifications for maintaining bad habits. Your response to this, that justifications for bad habits are full of crap, resonates really strongly with me every time I hear someone rationalise something they know is bad for them. Have you got any advice for someone who is on the brink of initiating an important change in their life, but is still rationalising or thinking they can do the bad thing just a little bit?
Leo: There’s a little child in our mind, who doesn’t like discomfort and likes things the way we’re used to doing them. This child is in control of us in so many ways, because we just act on its every command, even whining about not being able to do it, and why do I have to? I had to learn not to listen to this child — it’s going to cry and complain, but you can comfort it, and then go on to do what you need to do anyway. If you don’t learn to hear this little inner child, and then not be ordered around by it, you’ll never make lasting change.
Me: You have a big family, a wife and 6 kids. Was there any resistance from your family as you all moved away from a traditional consumer lifestyle? What was one of the biggest challenges for you all?
Leo: Oh, yes. There’s always resistance to change, from yourself and those who are affected by it. My wife has been very supportive, but she didn’t want to do some of my changes at first. So I asked for her support for me to make a change, and said I wouldn’t push her. But often my example gave her the idea that she might try it too. With the kids, it’s more of asking them to try an experiment, and explaining why we’re doing it. They usually understand the why, but resist giving up things they like. After trying the experiment, they often see that their lives aren’t so bad, and the change didn’t destroy their world. They might still wish we didn’t make the change, but it’s not usually a big enough deal for them to put up a fight.
What often worked for us, as we gave up shopping and cable TV, is to do things that are more fun than that. Play things together outdoors, go for picnics and hikes, visit people, make cupcakes together, play board games. We don’t always do these things, but when we were giving up consumerist things, we often did, and this made the changes a lot of fun.
Probably the biggest challenge was Christmas gifts — they love getting gifts on Christmas, and transitioning away from this seemed like a big loss. But we gave them experience gifts that they loved, and so while they still might miss getting all the presents, I think they see that all the toys were not really adding as much to their lives as the experiences.
Me: Is there something which your family enjoys doing together as a real ‘slowing down’ thing?
Leo: Playing games together. Cooking or eating good food. Recently we played the game “Werewolf” with them, and we had so much fun we didn’t want to go to sleep.
Me: There are a lot of dichotomies in simple living. For me, something which stands out, is that making real food from scratch actually consumes a lot more of my energy than the more processed food path of my past. It feels good, but it’s sometimes also really draining. Is there anything in your simpler life that unexpectedly consumes more of your energy than you would have thought?
Leo: Spending a weekend getting rid of massive piles of clutter was always exhausting, though luckily I don’t have to do that so much anymore. Cooking continues to be a time-consuming thing, as does unschooling the kids.
The way I look at it, though, is that we’re going to use our time and energy doing something, and it might as well be something that makes my life better. It might be eating processed foods, but that comes with hidden costs, like getting overweight and having big medical bills and the stress of health problems later. So it only seems easier. Getting rid of clutter seems tough, but the alternative is letting clutter pile up and having that drain you because there’s so much you haven’t dealt with yet. Unschooling might be hard, but the alternative (for us) is letting the kids go to school and learning to hate learning, and not learning to think for themselves. That’s a huge hidden cost.
Me: And finally, I spent 3 months as a vegan at the beginning of my ‘change’ journey, and I found it really interesting. I know you and your family are vegans, and I am always very curious about veganism. What influenced your shift to veganism, and what is your favourite family meal?
Leo: I started out experimenting with vegetarianism for health reasons — I was eating a lot of processed junk and fried meats, and the idea of eating all vegetables seemed healthier. But I went vegan from vegetarian not for health reasons, but out of compassion for the animals that suffer so much under our food system.I’ve found that I love vegan food so much that I don’t miss food that was cruelly raised and slaughtered for my benefit. I’ve found that I can be perfectly healthy eating plant foods, and that if animal foods aren’t necesary for health (as my good health proves), then killing them is just for pleasure. I get plenty of pleasure from my plant foods.
I love eating some kind of plant protein (tofu, tempeh, seitan, lentils) stir-fried with a bunch of vegetables (onions, kale, spinach, mushrooms, broccoli are in my everyday dish). And Eva likes tempeh and veggies with quinoa. But the kids love pizza (and if I’m being honest, I do too).
For up to the minute information on Leo’s kickstarter, the best way to follow him is via Twitter.
Next week I will be posting an interview I did recently with Leo Babauta, the absolute blogging legend behind Zen Habits. Today, here is a bit about change in our house.
I don’t know about other people, but I kind of like the challenge of change. So far the life changes I’ve made have only really impacted upon me, but about 4 weeks ago, I started something which I should have done a long time ago which has impacted on my kids. I have avoided doing it, because of the potential backlash. I just didn’t think it would work.
My eldest son is generally a peaceful, gentle kid, but he can also be really challenging. He gets quite angry, and is also extremely sensitive and emotional. There have been so many times when he has had me pulling my hair out with frustration over really simple things, like shoes…and wearing them, for example.
I am sensitive to gluten, so is one of my siblings, and I have suspected for a long time that he might be too. So I have cut out all of the gluten from his diet, just as a trial (cruel Mum I know). It’s been quite dramatic, but not because of the resistance I thought there would be. Quite the opposite. His dramatic behaviour seems to have tapered right off, and the occasionally angry kid I had, seems to have been replaced with a ridiculously happy one. He says he’s still angry, and then laughs himself silly.
The concept of adaptability is fundamental for people wanting to create new habits in their lives. I have been absolutely amazed by my 6 year olds adaptability. I certainly didn’t give him the credit that I should have for his ability to adapt. In essence, I’ve forced him to make a change which he wouldn’t personally choose. But he trusts me, and he trusts my motives, and now even he’s beginning to notice that he feels happier.
I am so used to making quite radical changes in my life. As an adult it’s easy to understand and want to make change which will improve your life, and yet as adults we are often less adaptable. With kids, well with mine anyway, it seems to be the reverse.
Linked with Essentially Jess for IBOT